shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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