Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
