So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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