I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
