There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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