i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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