I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
