I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
