Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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