he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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