i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
