your parents love me but you hate me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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