get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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