Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
