physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
