Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
