Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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