Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
