I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
