Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
