so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
third nipple confirmed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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