before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
