I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
