i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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