just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
