Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
