my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
