Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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