I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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