My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
