While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So apparently I’m into choking now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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