I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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