Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this boner is exhausting
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
