so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wanna go halves on a baby?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
