Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Quick, to the slutcave!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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