i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
