We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
