after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who put my cat in the fridge?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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