I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
