I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
