I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
