dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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