I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So many bounce houses so little time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
