I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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