sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
