I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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