paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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