My liver just broke up with me...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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