it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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