Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
