speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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