i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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