You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
