the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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