do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
