well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
