It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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