I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
