Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
