sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
