i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
